Things were different, back in the war. Doesn’t matter which one; war changes everything. I remember being only a young lad when the East Koreans invaded Melbourne in search of world-class coffee. That was during the signing of the peace agreement between Australia and Indonesia that was the end to the OTHER war, so really, we didn’t have much time to celebrate. All the children were sent to the country while East Korea dropped bombs on Melbourne, but that turned out to be a bust when they started unleashing the deadliest weapon ever: rats. Rats as big as cats that stalked the countryside and made the transportation of goods and wartime services across the country very difficult. All the planes were occupied in the other war going on at the time, between Albajeria and Algeria, so they had no choice but to turn to pest control people in Mornington and beyond, experienced as they were at dealing with pests. Every single convoy of supplies had to have a pest control person present, so they could deal with the genetically-altered rat abominations. That seemed to go pretty well for a while, and not knowing how we were doing it, the enemy foolishly sent termites as big as rats to eat away at the foundations of our significant buildings and destroy our morale. Foolish tactic, obviously. Australia rallied around its termite inspection services, and Flinder Street Station- a pillar of Australian society since its creation- was saved. Thus, the war was won. Both of them, in fact. The other one pretty much established the nation of Algeria as we know it, although I don’t think relations have been all that friendly since that whole mutant, dive-bombing albatross incident that took place on the war’s final day.

I think there’s still a statue of a Pakenham pest control person standing in Federation Square, with probably many more in other cities. I haven’t really looked all that much, though. Too many painful war memories…of giant rats.