When I’m earning enough to build my own house, there will be some changes. Hoo boy, you’d better believe there are going to be changes.

For one thing, I’m doing away with this whole window business. We’ve moved onto a more elegant age; if you need light, flip that switch (and my lights will have multiple settings for brightness…unless natural light). If you want to see the sun, well…there’s a big old outside world for you to enjoy, right outside your front door. People’s obsession with windows baffles me. Why make giant holes in your house that not only let in uncontrollable amounts of light, but are serious security risks?

Not that the glaziers are going to have nothing to do around the place. I’ll keep them quite busy with all sorts of fun: glass stair balustrades on every one of the four floors, to give that sense of grandeur as we ascend and descend. I want glass chandeliers as well, in basically every room. Yes, even the bathrooms. If I’m going to be relying on artificial light, I might as well be doing it in style.

At the moment I’m seriously looking into the possibility of having my front door be an underground entrance, thus transforming my entire home into one gigantic cube with no windows or doors. You enter through the metal archway…and then you descend into the earth, emerging into the entrance hall. Perfect security, perfect art deco feel. Might even have some kind of elevator or underground cable car system.

I’ll have to think of the workmen, however, glaziers included. If I want glass balustrading to be a centerpiece I’ll have to get them to bring in the panes, and that’ll be difficult when all their tools and equipment will be underground. So I’ll have one wall put in last. But that’ll mean everyone can see in and note the weaknesses. No…maybe I’ll look for a commercial glazier near Melbourne, one with some real industrial-strength equipment. They’ll have tools for any situation.

PERFECT. And I’m definitely not insane, which is the best part.